Swipe right: If coffee beans had Tinder profiles

As most people have a love affair with their coffee as intense as with a freshly found crush, we asked ourselves the question: “What would some of our favourite coffee beans’ Tinder profiles look like?” 

Which one’s would you swipe right on?

Brazilian Arabica

I’m one hot and tropical bean. Full-bodied and I know how to move it for a sweet and velvety brew.        

I’m the second biggest coffee bean produced in the world; First to make you smile in the morning.

If you’re into bad beans, swipe left because I’m as sweet as chocolate.

Ethiopian Arabica

Notable reasons why you should swipe right:

- I come from the homeland of coffee

- I’m one of the finest beans out there

- I’m one of the only beans that’s managed to find a good balance in their personality - flowery, candied, complex acidity and tropical fruit notes

- If you like big (coffee) cups and you cannot lie

- I pull off a grind like no other

Guatemalan Arabica

I enjoy long walks on the beach, except I can’t walk because I’m a coffee bean and sand really messes with my sweet, light-bodied and spicy-chocolate flavour.

I hang out in the coffee aisles in stores these days, but grew up at altitudes of 500–5,000 metres in Guatemala.

Will be there for you and give you strength every day, but don’t blame me if you’re up all night thinking about me.

Kenyan Arabica

Our first date ideas if you swipe right:

– You pick me up from that cafe you like, we go to a park, sit on a bench next to somebody and make loud slurping sounds until they leave

– I meet you in bed and we hang out while you read the news and savour my berry sweet and complex flavours

– I whisk you away to the breath-taking Kenyan highlands where the perfect bean came together from just the right amount of rain and sun (that perfect bean being me, obvs)

–  When you meet me, you bring a croissant from you fav’ bakery and we make it a ménage à trois

Columbian Arabica

Pros and cons of why you should swipe right

Pro: I’m rich

Con: you’ll have to clean up my grounds

Pro: My sweet and well-balanced characteristics will motivate you

Con: I may give you unrealistic expectations of productivity

Pro: Some say I’m chocolatey sweet

Con: I can be nutty

Pro: I’m irresistible

Con: I will have an affair with your barista

Jamaica Blue Mountain

No, I will not play Bob Marley on our first date.

I’m considered as rare as a bean that will be there for you in the morning, but disappear a couple of hours later and have you craving more. This may explain my popularity and price tag.

I’m grown at an altitude of 900 to 1500 meters, so I know how to take you high (once again, save the Bob Marley references).

I’m as complex, nutty, fruity and complicated as your last relationship, BUT I’m cleaner than the break up and will leave you with a pleasant sweet after taste.